This is exactly how I feel, only my hair isn’t as colorful & clean since I can’t get out of bed long enough to shower or have the strength to take one. The mind-numbing, overwhelming level of exhaustion hit me like a freight train on Sunday, December 30, 2012 & here it is Thursday, January 3, 2013 already. 4 straight days I’ve been in my bedroom, sleeping so deeply I don’t even change positions. My only priorities during the short periods I’m awake & can physically get out of bed are taking care of basic hygiene; taking my meds & forcing myself to drink the minimum 3 liters of water daily to prevent my angry kidney from getting infected again.
There is no such thing as time, what day it is. I managed to get all the laundry downstairs on Sunday yet it’s still in the same place, the piles getting bigger daily as I change into clean pajamas, brush my teeth as I hang onto the sink to keep myself standing. Stumble back to bed, relief washing over me that I accomplished that much as my eyes immediately close and I once again sleep deeply for hours, alarm set to take my meds at the appointed time.
If you have Lupus you understand what I’m saying. If you’re loved one has Lupus, you understand as well. Most other people don’t understand, which is frustrating & sometimes hurtful to hear statements like “get over it”, “you’re depressed, here’s an antidepressant” or my favorite, “the more you sleep the more tired you feel”.
I can’t “get over it”, I’ve tried a million times & accepted that when this happens, my body is telling me to sleep for a reason. I am not depressed & do not need another pill thrown at me, although depression & Lupus is very common and the stigma of depression itself in the world still exists today. I don’t have the energy to feel any emotions quite frankly but I seek moments of laughter, smiles & love to sustain me. I manage a few prayers before slumber overtakes me again.
I am blessed to be able to sleep like this, knowing my son is safe with his Dad. They stopped over yesterday afternoon to bring me a container of food, knowing I’m not eating because waiting 5 minutes for the microwave to heat up anything is 5 minutes too long for me, but it was nice to see them both & I appreciated the meal.
It’s 11:45am right now; I’ve been awake for exactly 3 hours but it’s time to go back to sleep..I’m actually nodding off now trying to finish this. I have many beautiful birthday wishes on my FB I still haven’t had the strength to read, but just knowing they’re waiting for me is a lovely gift! I’m truly blessed to have so many loving friends!
Good night for now! I may not be posting much but I’m reading my fellow bloggers posts as they come in & I always lift every one of you up in prayer. Enjoy the beautiful sunshine!
Back to slumber,