It’s 5:15pm EST and I just stepped outside as the temperature drops as quickly as the sun in the sky. The colors are more breathtaking than my photography attempts here show but there’s no denying how the beauty of this view fills my soul with peace every time I see it; I rarely miss this opportunity. This sunset is important to me today.
Today I quietly shut another door to my past and this may sound trite to you, but it involved..furniture. That’s right, furniture, living room furniture to be precise. When we moved to this town last year as a family, the 3 of us had to leave the majority of our belongings, including furniture & beds due to the last minute discovery of black mold in our previous home. Saved a ton in packing & moving, but forced us to rent a living room set & a mattress for me. My husband & I were still together, supposedly starting over, re-committing to our marriage. One of the promises made to me was that Chris would stop sleeping on the couch as he’d been for well over a decade, a fight I gave up on long ago until our son realized it was strange that his Dad slept in the living room, not normal as he thought growing up. We left the king size bed and I ordered a Queen for this house, knowing I’d still be sleeping alone..& I did.
I paid off the bed but I was determined to not get stuck with a living room set that reminded me of my ex & was extremely uncomfortable to sit on as well..but honestly, I couldn’t stand the sight of that sofa & loveseat day after day.
The configuration of the sofa & loveseat in a fairly long room felt stifling to me & also cut off access to the dining area/kitchen. I truly wanted that furniture set gone but obviously it was far down the list of wants versus needs, like the winter clothes I was worrying about acquiring for my son, not to mention Christmas is now barreling towards us like a freight train.
I called the store last Monday to make my weekly payment. I was in a stupor of sickness, throat so sore I could barely talk when the manager told me of a deal I couldn’t pass up; get the L-shaped sectional that would allow both myself & my son to have our own space to fully stretch out our long legs comfortably AND an electric fireplace with shelving compartments for media as well as placing our TV on top..for less than what I was currently paying because both were used. Ooh, I’ve been dreaming about that fireplace forever it seems, a luxury I couldn’t afford ever..yet the minute the weather turned cold every year I was constantly looking at these fireplaces online, in stores & dreaming of how nice it would be to curl up with a good book, a hot cup of coffee and just enjoy myself..by myself.
I quickly ran the calculations in my head & said I’d take the deal, setting the delivery date for today. I hung up the phone & thought, this will be something to look forward to after Thanksgiving! Then promptly forgot all about it until I looked at my calendar last night.
Thanksgiving this year was the happiest I’ve had in a very long time, because the happiness came from within. I had a terrible cold, my son was convinced we weren’t going to make the trip back to our hometown because of it, which only made me that much more determined to get us there regardless of how awful I felt as long as it was safe for me to drive. It was the best feeling in the world to see the smile on his face get bigger the closer we got to his Grandparents’ house a day late but Thanksgiving morning nonetheless!
The two of us were like sponges, soaking up all the love from our family crammed around a table overflowing with food. I think I ate more on Thanksgiving day than I’ve eaten in months..I finally had an appetite. The time passed too quickly as usual, but seeing the fun all the cousins were having was like a salve to a burn..Noah needed this time with his family as much as I did. Spending time catching up with my “baby” sister, my Dad who’s been in poor health, his wife Elaine who’s always loved all of us as if we were her own daughters & we are. Noah & I left renewed, anxious to return to visit soon.
The time I got to spend with my son cemented our bond on another level after getting through the prior week of sheer hell. I was grateful to have him an extra night & once he left on Sunday to see his Dad, I just tuned out most of the world. I had a lot of time to think, reflect, remember. I didn’t shed a single tear as I began bringing the Christmas decorations down from the attic myself, along with fixing a broken toilet & figuring out, all by myself like a big girl, how to change the battery in the smoke alarm in my bedroom placed in the highest possible point of the vaulted ceiling. I can fix almost anything in my house so far & love my hammer!
I placed electric candles in every window, it looks so pretty. I have boxes everywhere, taking my time because I realized this is My First Christmas, decorating my house the way I want to.
Today, watching that blasted living room set go out the front door, I felt..free. Happy. Excited!! I was so excited by the immediate difference of the feeling of the entire house..lighter, different, the ghosts of Christmases passed silent, gone. No anger, no..nothing. Nothing but a big smile on my face as the tables & lamps a neighbor that moved months ago gave to me, matched the color of the wood of the fireplace. All used but brand new in my eyes, such a gift!
The process took half an hour & I cleaned every inch of the living room, fireplace blazing, waiting anxiously for Noah to come home to a new room. I had brownies baking in the oven, Noah walks in and his smile was as big as mine, from the inside out. Now, this feels like our Home. We’ve been enjoying the fire, the extremely comfortable sofa, and the feeling of lightness in our hearts as beautiful as the sunset captured above. I hope you find a moment of peaceful beauty in your heart tonight as well.